look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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