you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
