I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
