Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
