My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
