I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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