i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I want to fling myself into the sun
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
