Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
