Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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