Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
