Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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