I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
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Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
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Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.