the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
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My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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