Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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