So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers