U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"