Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Who died my cat blue again?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night