i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯