TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
His hands were made for my vagina.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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