quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
