Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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