i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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