he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
