He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
