There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
