You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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