She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
