AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
