Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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