Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
