Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
