Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
