i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
