my room smells like sperm. sweet.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
