Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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