Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
