Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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