If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
