Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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