her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
