I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Randomize
