Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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