ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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