I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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