I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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