Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
operation harelip BJ is a go
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
