she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
