you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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