my being single is dangerous.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
