Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
