if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
