from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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