How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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