I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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