so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You dont lie about slip and slides
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
