Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
