This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
