he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
