I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
