Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
