Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Vodka?
Forever.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Randomize
