forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
