We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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