Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
