Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
