the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Randomize