i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
