So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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