I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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