i may or may not be watching the land before time
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
