Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
