I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
