I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
