There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
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