new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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