This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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