i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
