Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Dating After Heartbreak
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him