the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
