Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot