I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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