You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
