How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize