I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
