.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
