i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
