I need help removing her.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
