Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
did you just send me my own nude
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
