My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
