i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
