they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
