Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Ketchup is God's man juice
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Randomize
