Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
