Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
