One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
